This is not just my own pet peeve. After inappropriate public cell phone use, polls show a lack of RSVP’ing rates highly as a form of social rudeness. Companies and individuals waste money and time preparing for people who don’t show up, or alternately, end up looking ill-prepared when too many people show up that did not RSVP. How can you plan an event when you have no idea how many people will appear?
So what does RSVP mean? It most certainly does NOT mean Really Smart Vivacious People will be in attendance. It does not mean you respond only if you are not coming, or respond the day of the event, or respond and then fail to show up. Actually, RSVP is an acronym for the French phrase “repondez s’il vous plait”, or “Respond, If You Please.” It means letting your host know if you will or if you will not be attending an event. And it is done in a timely fashion, preferably upon receipt of the invitation.
Why are so many people clueless about this? Here are a few possibilities:
Misunderstanding the RSVP concept. Some think it means to call only if you cannot attend. That would be a “Regrets Only” invitation which can be risky for the host. It’s better to ask for an RSVP and get a definite answer from each guest.
Disregarding the deadline. We see the invitation and make up our mind to go or not, but then forget to respond by the deadline. We must learn to manage our time and our manners. We’re all busy, but making the two minute phone call or sending a quick email to RSVP is thoughtful, appreciated, and an important use of our time.
Lack of manners and sophistication. Responding to an RSVP is a basic, common courtesy that is too often ignored in our fast-paced modern life.
Holding out for a better offer. Ever hedge your bets on whether a better offer will come along? And postpone responding to an earlier invitation because of it? Watch out! This lack of commitment can tarnish your image.
Here are a few more points to consider about RSVP’s and your image. A person who drops in or is a no-show is making one or more of the following statements, “I am too disorganized,” “I cannot plan my schedule,” “I do not follow through,” or “I have no appropriate knowledge of etiquette.” Reputations can and do get tainted, and people will talk. But when we do RSVP we are building rapport, reinforcing our image as etiquette-savvy individuals and send the important message that “I am considerate.” Individuals who RSVP and follow through on commitments develop a reputation as reliable and eventually outshine their competition. It may seem like a small thing, but the small things add up to big things. So when the next invitation arrives in your mailbox (or inbox these days!), take a minute and RSVP!